31 Rocks!

When I was 12, I thought 22 was old. When I was 22, I thought 30 was ancient. Now that I’m 31, I feel like I’m in my peak. Peak in terms of physical, emotional, spiritual and most importantly, mental condition. Although using the word “peak” can be scary since it means the highest point and the next step is downhill. Let’s just say that like bacteria, I’m in my stationary phase. I’ve been through the lag phase…but wait, not on the log phase since I haven’t multiplied…yet. Okay, so I will stop comparing myself to anything.

I haven’t attained all the goals I’ve set for myself, but everything is coming together. Not to sound like I’m sour graping, but what’s the point of attaining everything? Once you do, you will lose the zest for striving hard. You will lose the desire to work on something since everything you ever wanted is already there. Needless to say, you will lose the zest for life. And I choose to live life. Life is not always easy. Life’s not fair. But it is what it is. You just gotta live it.

So many words when all I really wanted to say is that I’m content…and I’m happy.

 

I Did It

After much thought and a little push from a friend, I did it.  I finally summoned up the courage to talk to my boss about getting a raise.  Doing this can only mean two things: either I get what I want, or I get fired.  I somehow managed not to get fired.  Not that I got everything I wanted, but the compromise was good enough.   With this, I felt like I found my old self again.

Eversince I came here, I’ve lost the fighter in me.  There is much to be said about why this happened.  Being a foreigner in a foreign land, I felt like my rights are limited.  I felt like everyday is a struggle to prove myself.  There is too much competition, and somehow  it made me hold on to what I currently have.  I felt like I could never afford to lose a job, that’s why I put up with whatever salary and responsibilities my current job has to offer.   But lately with all the crap I’ve been getting, I decided to risk it all.  But I didn’t do it carelessly.  I did my homework and calculated my risks.  Then I was blessed with a friend who gave me useful insights about the whole situation which somehow solidified my decision to do it.  And was I glad that I did it.

I’m proud of myself.  Irregardless of what the outcome would’ve been, I would still have felt the same.  It’s about knowing what I want, and going for it.  It’s all about following my heart thus living life to the fullest.

 

but it’s hot

my head is throbbing ….. but it’s hot

my body’s aching ….. but it’s hot

i’m tired ….. but it’s hot

life still sucks ….. but it’s hot

 

LOST

Once upon a time while I was attempting to obtain a masters degree in statistics, the only form of regression I knew was simple linear regression, or modeling.   It is the science of predicting a dependent variable based on a set of independent (or explanatory) variables.    There are 2 major reasons why regression is done.  Primarily to describe the data and  secondarily to predict a certain response from a carrier.

To make matters more interesting, I attempted to do a simple linear regression on my own life.  My dependent variable was my success rate, while my independent variables were:  the level of education I had, the grades I got, the school I went to, and the kind of family I had.  It was interesting for awhile, but I lost the zest for it when I realized that the independent variables I set could barely explain my dependent variable.  It is just a portion of the whole set of variables that is needed to complete the equation.  The worst part was when I realized that I cannot measure my dependent variable. Thus, it cannot be predicted. 

I didn’t know what possessed me to take up such a degree.  I was never good in math.   In fact, I couldn’t pinpoint a single skill that I’m really good at.  I have a lot of skills but no expertise.  I am a passionate beginner but an inconsistent doer. This explains why I never got to finish that degree.   This is also the reason why I had those problems setting up my regression model.

And why am I such?  Because I’m a gemini.  Geminians are dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory.    Which is why sometimes I confuse myself.

 

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